I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
