He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
