The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
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