I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
