I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
