Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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