Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
So much rum. So many feels.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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