you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
