I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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