Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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