Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
