Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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