i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
