Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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