Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
