READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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