my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
