at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
