I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
