i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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