i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
