Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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