Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
we should paint friendship bongs
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