Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
