Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
