I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
