He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize