I am in a vortex of obligation.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
