Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
This is classic penis vs brain.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Randomize
