what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
