wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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