just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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