im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
my vag is so smooth its legendary
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
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