i think my mom watched the whole time
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
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