i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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