I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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