We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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