I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
