i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
