...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
