Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
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