How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
