The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
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