Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
