I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
