I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
