There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
MIDGETS
????
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
