Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
