why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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