I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
