okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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