i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
